The Thoughts Going Around In My Head

That I Am Not Aware Of – Are Undermining My Effort To Change

Joseph Tsefanyahu Farkasdi having a little study time in the quietness of a former back yard.I’ve been trying to self-talk myself into change for many years with little if any success throughout. I would get uber religious about it, daily repeating incessantly the desired beliefs I want my unconscious mind to adopt fully. Then, wonder why I have so much resistance to change going on, that nothing seems to change, that I seem destined to keep repeating the same seemingly inherent behaviors and same negative views of this world for the rest of my life. But, this is the distorted mind trap that we each and all fall into, and no one – from my experience of countless human beings – is an exception, really. Nor, can we really avoid or get out of if we don’t truly understand what is going on inside. So, what makes the difference, I have asked myself time and time again? Why does it seem to work for others – things like self-talk, mantras, meditations, both of the religious kind and not – even if only for a moment (till falling off the wagon of positive self-determinance again), and not work at all for me? Have you ever asked yourself this? The answer is actually very obvious, and is the reason I think that pop psychology and self-help gurus so often miss it – and badly (money wastingly, for those who follow them) – in teaching their brand of “I”-ism self-determinance on their path to wealth and deification. It’s so obvious that it is not that obvious, especially for the afflicted mind. The reason so many of us fail at changing our way of life and our thought processes about life, permanently and for good, is this: If you cannot hear yourself, hear the thought scripts running both blantantly and quietly in your head, then no amount of self-talk is going to work. Ever. Period! These words of beneficial and productive thought that you are saying to yourself have got to have an intended place in your mind for it to reside. First, you need to be aware of what is actually going on in your mind. Then, when your mind realizes that the positive self-talk is meant to replace the margnalizing damaging unhealthy scripts you are subconsciously thinking all the time – most of the time completely unaware of it and most of it being the result of reacting in childhood to experiences and forming an ingrained perspective of reality based on this – then change can finally take place. One  small script at a time, most likely, but real change, never the less, when it actually happens!

Until you are aware that your subconscious emotional thoughts, your scripts about you and the world around you, are undermining your self-talk towards change, you are likely to continue repeating – frustratingly, even miserably – the life patterns you no longer want! I know, for I’ve got some deeply long years of experience in this. Fortunately or unfortunately, is strictly a matter of perpective. As I have been for so many years on end, you will be pounding your head against the wall, so to speak, trying to understand why you can’t or won’t change. It’s not your fault, really! It is only that you need to be consciously aware of EVERY subtle thought script occurring in your mind, and be actively noting and correcting this distorted point of view. Then, the subconscious begins to adopt and repeat its new mode of thoughts about life, instead of the ones it has said to you before. This is the only effective way I know of to achieve change. There are no instant religious-fervent miracle ways to this! For those who’ve been taught to believe this, take a moment to learn what happens to people in time after the great moment. There is not one guru who can teach you this, no matter how much money you give to him or her or how many of his/her books and programs you buy, or seminars you attend. Change can only come from within, and only you know within what is needed to effect this change in you. There is no other effective approach! But, this takes listening – really listening and paying attention – and a long time getting to know yourself. Then, even then, you may not be entirely successful in your quest. But, reality demonstrates, any success is a great achievement! The best approach I know of to achieve this result is cognitive therapy combined with behavorial therapy. Out of all the options available, these are the ones with the research and demonstrated proven record for success! Trying to will yourself to change, through occassional or constant bombardment of desired thoughts is futile and frustrating, leading to self resistance, sabatoge, and demoralizing defeat with each failure.

How long we live is not what’s important. Seriously, it’s not what’s important, even though living phsyically-mentally for as long as we can IN HEALTH is desirable! Whether or not there is life after death for us (which there isn’t – for, self-evidentially, only the source of all created is eternal, and everything else, the created, is decomposed and recycled into something new – but, if there were), this too is not what’s important. What’s IMPORTANT is that we become cognitively aware of who and what we really are, and make the effort to share this being aware with others, while we are still alive. Note the keyword, “who and what we REAL-LY are,” not who and what we THINK we are. It is very important to know and share our understanding of this difference! One is grounded in self-evident reality, and the other is our idealized, rationalized, and hoped for believed in perception of reality. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter how we dress it and present it through our ideals, our theo(ry)ologies, our of-the-mind beliefs about it. What matters is that throughout our lives we are COGNITIVELY aware of who and what we REALLY are, and are making the effort to SHARE this being aware with others while we are still alive. This is where genuine self-worth is realized in one’s life. A self-worth not based on one’s possessions or status in life, or how much we have succeeded and achieved, or on how much we have done the opposite by erring up in life. But, rather, a genuine self-worth that is based upon the reality of our presence in this world, with all of our perceptions about ourselves, and a simple recognition of our miraculousness for even being alive to realize this.

I am a human body-mind with sentient consciousness. Meaning, I am, therefore I think, and I think with a perceptive creative awareness. There are constants to this reality that are self-evident to all. There is no need for a rational or emotional belief to recognize this. These constants simply are for they are the self-evidents, which we interpret as the rules or laws of this universe. The rest is what we make of it, how we choose to perceive the self-evident, and how we choose to respond to our perceiving. If we perceive inaccurately, we struggle with life and with each other. Overcome by our mis-understanding and the flood of body-mind responses to this distorted view. If we perceive accurately what is clearly self-evident, without the added chatter of our self-absorbed reactive thoughts, we discover how at peace we can be with this world, how in sync and desirously creative, to the level of our present influence. We are a part of the whole, inescapably, and we might as well laugh and love and, sometimes, cry and just live in enjoyment of it. We create our own stressors in life, through our “should have/be”s and our mistaken idea that our self-worth is based on being compared to what’s out there. The only thing that matters, really, is what’s going on in here – in our very own thoughts about. We don’t need a philosophy or guru to discover this, though sometimes they may help. We only need to quiet down, listen carefully, and correct our perceptions with self-evident and demonstrable facts. – Joseph Tsefanyahu Farkasdi– Joseph Tsefanyahu Farkasdi

The mind is organic, it needs subtle correction with directed purpose (meaning, to note that thought occuring and, now, to say it this way), until the change is adopted and takes place. Meditation practices have been a big part of my life, but a quiet mind can never achieve the same result as generating a real and genuine positive emotion from subtly talking yourself into the desired approach to life, every time you catch yourself thinking, feeling, and doing exactly what you don’t want anymore. We must learn to forgive and love ourselves, not punish or demand upon ourselves. We must learn to be neutral and desrious, both at the same time – focused fully on our goals. We must clearly know what our desired goals are, but base no emotional expectation on results not yet achieved. We must be thankful for exactly what results from our efforts and, then, try again. We must remind ourself daily in every opportunity of self-awareness we experience to see and acknowledge for a moment the good and the little achievements in both what we experience and in what we do. For, too often, we only pay attention to what we perceive as being not good and not achieved. If both are the truth, we need to acknowledge this and, if we can find it within us, emphasize our focus on what is good and what did get achieved. This applies to all our patterns of behavior. Have genuine desire for change, but do not try to enforce it! This invites misery as equally fast as focusing on perceived weaknesses and failures. Instead, have genuine desire for change and correct the thinking that is surfacing at every opportunity it arises! Doesn’t matter if you fail a few times or repeatedly for years on end, this is normal, just keep doing it till you succeed! Most importantly, appreciate the change that IS coming with each “being aware” momentary failure to change. A moment is not a lifetime! So, why should you or I define who we are based upon a moment’s behavior? Tell yourself, “One of these days, I am going to surprise myself, by doing what it is I want to do, rather than what I’ve been doing. Then, I am going to surprise myself again, more and more often. Watch and see, it is happening!” Be patient, forgiving, and yet firm in resolve!


“Research has documented that the negative thoughts which cause (and sustain) your emotional turmoil nearly always contain gross distortions. Although these thoughts appear valid, you will learn that they are irrational or just plan wrong, and that twisted thinking is a major cause of your suffering.” –  Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy

Just like with tobacco or any other drug, the thought scripts are the cause of the misery that they are used/thought to relieve. Our emotions generated from a depressed distorted view of ourselves give false validation to our negative thoughts, as much as our thoughts are the originating cause our self-loathing and life-loathing emotions. It is a vicious cycle that can only be broken by observing and correcting our thoughts – as they are happening. This is a flat self-evident fact, and knowing this is our one real chance at life-changing permanent change!

I am seeing something now. I do not enjoy the sensory distorting high of alcohol drunkness any more than I enjoy the body sickening experience of smoking. I do not enjoy my negative emotionally based thoughts any more than I enjoy being a drug addict. To get rid of these addictions and negative thought scripts, I UNDERSTAND now that I can create within me a strongly positive HAPPY emotional thought or space within me to shift my awareness to – that does not require sex hormones for the source of enjoyment.

I can now pinpoint and eliminate the mental distortions that cause me to feel upset. The emotionally negative inaccurate views of me, of my past, and of my future. I can literally physically-mentally-emotionally change the very structure of my brain/mind! So, what am I waiting for?! – jtf

How does one imagine this from a child’s view of experiencing again, now as an adult?:
It’s okay now to fully heal. I give myself permission now to fully heal. Life is enjoyable again, deeply and personally!
It’s time, total healing now, total recovery. Healthy like a nutritiously fed child! Growing strong, growing fertile, growing youthful! Looking great, feeling energetically healthy, now. Sleeping well, smiling genuinely!
The key to life is in being resolute about things – in both images and decisions. No ‘why this’, no complaints, – just very clear images of what is desired now and from now on!
I decide my fate, no one else does it for me. I’m the one who decides what images to hold and maintain in my mind!
I’m going to be okay now, and I’m going to live a long and healthy life! A youthful and prosperous life. A very rewarding, happy, and satisfying life. I say so, because it is my choice!
Smoking, Drinking, cancerous Growths, … I’ve allowed you to be part of my life for a long time, but we can’t be friends anymore. You have to go now – bye bye, now, disappear!
I can do this. I am doing this. Watch and see! I am truly happy and thankful to be alive!
I am exactly where I need to be in this moment, and I trust life to provide!
Oooh, I want that! … Oooh, I want to be like that! … Be like a child that knows how good it feels to desire and desire deeply!

I Forgive Myself and I Forgive Others for My/Their Self-Hatred
I refuse to live life feeling guilt where there is none to be blamed upon me! Being physically and naturally naked is who we are, folks! Joseph Tsefanyahu Farkasdi - I eat kosher, I grow and eat organic, I garden in the nude, because all this is healthy! Joseph T FarkasdiBeing different in our similiarities is natural. Nature loves and demands diversity. It is humans that hate it! And, the perversion is in not being able to see this self-evident fact of life. Just because some think I am this disgusting thing or that, because of a natural difference about my nature, that they don’t like, does not mean that I am that! I have no reason to perpetuate that distorted view of myself in my own mind! And, I am tired of assuming in my mind for them that I am anything like what they would describe me as (if they are even doing it! – the mind trap of self-hate or self-loathing depression!). I refuse to continue doing this to myself, using this as a helper to validating the guilt trip, where no real guilt actually exists, all to perpetuate and continue the distorted view of me that my severe depression insists is me. I have always been the upstanding, responsible, and moral person that I am. I was raised right, and I am too habitual to stray from this – even in all my minority in nature uniquenesses! And, I refuse to punish myself with fear – anymore – of being labeled as something perverted or disgusting – any further! I know me and my real life factual history of truth, and I refuse to do this to myself any further!! Society’s woes are generated from this sickness of shame indoctrination in our lives, for this isolates us from relating with each other geniunely and naturally, as we are meant and biologically designed to socialize and relate. I forgive myself for the self-hate that has led to a shame about my clothes-free lifestyle and an openness about my/our human body/bodies, and I forgive others, those others, who have hated on me and attempted to persecute me in life for my nudist moments and oriented ways – those rare necessary and self-needed moments between the social life of living in societal enforced clothes. I realize now that it isn’t their fault, they have a mental distortion of reality inside and just don’t know the harm their self-hate is creating for others. Empirically, I know, so I teach now through my healthy unashamed ever clothes-free example. – Joseph Tsefanyahu Farkasdi
Alternate text for the photos above: I eat kosher, I grow and eat organic, I garden in the nude, because all this is healthy! As naked as my garden is, is as naked as I must be socially outdoors, because this is wholesome and healthy and morally uplifting!

Good Things Are Coming! Good Times Are Coming!
Good things are coming into my life now, and I do deserve them! Real full body health and happiness. Freedom from negative thinking and addictions. Friends that are good for me, and that eagerly help me to address my needs in life. Strong flows of money for us to do all we need to do as a family to be healthy and happy. Good things are coming into my and our lives now! We deserve every blessing and life affirming social affirming surprise. We deserve to be happy and prosperous together! I deserve to know fulfilling sexual moments and marriage relationship commitment with my wife, and I deserve to know fulfilling sexual bondage commitment with special friends who enjoy doing this to me on occassions. I deserve being well educated and well paid for the work service I give desirously to my community. I deserve having and spending quality outing time with my family, my wife and my children. I deserve the opportunity to recognize them publicly for their achievements, and to be recognized myself publicly for all my achievements in life! – Joseph Tsefanyahu Farkasdi

Forgive me, but I am going to get very blunt with myself here and now. … – Joseph Tsefanyahu Farkasdi

I refuse to think that I should feel shame for anything!
… For this is the road down to mental and physical sickness! You know this, Joseph, for your views of life have been greatly affected by this. … It is time to think differently, at the unconscious/subconscious levels, and live life as it is meant to be lived – in joy and in prosperity! So, what needs to be said? What do I need to be daily telling myself, every time a distorted thought creeps into my mind? What do you need to hear from yourself, Joseph? How about the truth – of a life lived without shame and self-degradation, based upon irrational perceptions of what others may think! A life free of this, and full of opportunity and happiness through proper timely socialization!

threesome!I refuse to think I should feel shame ever over my submissive-leaning bondage-needing bisexuality! I love my bisexual hunger for sucking cock and fucking pussy, for licking pussy and being fucked in the ass, for wanting to have a husband and a wife, for wanting to ejaculate my sperm into several please dominate mewomen’s vaginas and know that my sperm is the reason for their beautiful child (even if I’m the spouse to only one woman and daddy to only her kids! polygamy is not for everyone, and it’s fully alright to wish to be a living sperm donor to women who already have a spouse), … for wanting to know intimately and for real the complete vulnerability of naked body-mind and inevitability of what is going to happen in actual rope-bound submission before my dominants (special friends, aka friends with well-planned benefits – this pleasure is all for them, at my deserving subjugated expense!).

joseph t farkasdiI refuse to think I should feel shame ever over my public exhibitions of my physical nakedness! Despite the shame that society teaches us to have, from birth, and despite the fear of disapproval from people I yet do not truly know, I am determined now to always keep in mind – that I was born naked, I have to shower naked, I am always naked even when covered in clothes! My being openly naked and happily comfortable this way is a good and beautiful thing, worthy of honor – regardless what I think society thinks of this my behavior. It keeps me healthy, being free of those sweaty itchy clothes, and reminds me that I am alright just as I naturally am, – as G!D made me! I am just fine promoting my nakedness to all who wish to see and experience it, right along with promoting all my social and work activities that are done in clothes! Life is best lived in balance!

joseph t farkasdiI am a deservingly awarded retired E-6 army Veteran. I have a recorded and awarded work ethic that ranks among the best of the best! I have led and helped survive soldiers through combat zones! I have successfully avoided the politics and stood the moral high ground, even when I thought I was a failure for not being perfect! I have every reason to be proud of my service, despite the circumstances of my medical retirement! I never once in my entire military career backed down from a mission or a challenge, – even when I had no clue how I was going to pull this off, if I could, or how painful it is likely to prove to be. I was a mover in motivating and encouraging the best out of the resources around me – my soldiers, and they made me so proud! Remember this, Joseph. And, it is the record of service provided by others that substantiates this truth – remember all the good times, the proud times, Joseph, not just the few bad times! Be proud of what you actually did achieve, … even during your medically challenged days.

joseph t farkasdi     joseph t farkasdi     joseph t farkasdi     joseph t farkasdi     joseph t farkasdi     joseph t farkasdi     joseph t farkasdi

*- These photos are here to remind me to look at my NCOERs occassionally and remember what an outstanding and deservingly decorated 1/1 NonCommissioned Officer that I was! It is too easy to get trapped in the mental distortion of only looking at your perceived failures in life, note keyword perceived, judging and treating yourself as if this is all you are in your entirety. One of the dangers of severe depression disorder.

Since retiring from the military, I now involve myself in noble and worthwhile community service work, which for the moment includes using my skills as a trained professional truck driver to get our most valuable asset and resource to and from school safely. My intent is to now expanded this to drug awareness and prevention, real prevention by knowing and addressing the source of our use of substances to the point of self-abuse. I am ready now to go to higher education schools for this, and allow my life’s path to unfold before me! I can do this, I want to do this.

joseph t farkasdiI am a loving and supportive Daddy who cares for my children. My children are A students because of my influence! My children are socially and emotionally and morally well-adjusted because of my influence and example in their lives! And, I’m doing better and getting better at this every day. When you can’t see your own worth as a human being, it is easily understandable how one can be baffled as to ‘why,’ when your children randomnly come to you to hug you and remind you that you are “their daddy” and they “love you.” Feel these genuine smiles and very real givings of attention they give you, daily. This is just one more self-evident proof that I am truly a living success in life!

joseph t farkasdiI am an excellent representation of authentic Jewishness, civil-ritual Torah Jewishness! The scientist and the mystic combined. Both when in my clothes and when fully naked in social Jewish circles. I represent all that is good about my ethnicity and am someone to learn from! Just don’t do it anymore, this self-doubt! So what, I have a bit of a tongue-tied nature when speaking. So what, I confuse myself at times and jam up thoughts together or reverse them. So what, that I was not raised speaking and reading modern Ivrit fluently. I can still teach from the wealth of all I know and have learned over the years, and still make a deeply beneficial impact within our ethnicity and cultural way-of-life! The rest is learnable in time through being more actively involved and setting the example.

I refuse to allow myself to define and label my full self-worth based upon one event that has just happened, as if it is all that has been happening or what is always happening. Each experience is unique to itself. I am done with defining myself and others based upon a perceived failure, and marginalizing the obvious successes that are also present! Every time, from now on, find in the situation what was done right in what was done wrong, and emphasize this! ‘This was great, now if I/you could try for this, too, this would be even greater!’

joseph t farkasdiFrom now on, I take my time – always! What am I rushing to, my grave? If I’m late, then I’m late. If I miss, then I miss. I have no reason to think of an excuse, because none needs to be given. Stick with the facts, and don’t try to justify me. I don’t need to be perfect all the time, dammit! If I need to start earlier or take more time, then do this instead. Give myself reasons to succeed and reasons for success! It’s this easy. I don’t give a damn what others might be thinking, I do not rush into things. As well, judging and labeling are pointless activities. It achieves nothing to do this, except make others resistant and further depresses myself. For every fault I find in another, I can probably find the same fault or a similar fault in myself, and I know this! Find another more productive to communicate and mentor!

I forgive myself for my years of living under the influence and misery of tobacco and alcohol and severe depression. I am not at fault for doing these things! I do not need to feel guilty anymore – but, rather, I need to heal and set a new lifestyle example for myself and others! For these are addictions and addictions are a disease. This can be addressed, and I know how much I honestly want to address it – once and for all! It is time. Depression and addictions are a now reversible and potentially curable illness of body-mind, that I have lived with and am now healing from! I am no longer – I am not – defined by my past addictions and distorted views of reality!

joseph t farkasdiI am happier now. I am seeing reasons to be happy! I am healthier now. I am living my life in health! I am helping others now to do the same, with every breath and every day I devote to this! I have found my path in life, my motivating desiring interests. It is directly before me each day, wherever I desire to go. I am enjoying seeing how life is unfolding to reveal my thoughtful emotional desire, the manifestation of my chosen thoughts for me! I am lucky and blessed and happy, as things are in this very moment. I am better now than I was before! And, I do believe in miracles! I am, we are, a miracle, and I revel in the sensational awareness of this!

Good things are coming into my life now, and I do deserve them! Real full body health and happiness. Freedom from negative thinking and addictions. Friends that are good for me, and that eagerly help me to address my needs in life. Strong flows of money for us to do all we need to do as a family to be healthy and happy. Good things are coming into my and our lives now! We deserve every blessing and life affirming social affirming surprise. We deserve to be happy and prosperous together!

I deserve to know fulfilling sexual and marriage relationship commitment with my wife, and I deserve to know fulfilling sexual bondage commitment with special friends who enjoy doing this to me. I deserve to experience the freedom of being socially naked amongst understanding and appreciating and demanding this be so other adults. I deserve being well educated and well paid for the work service I give desirously to my community. I deserve having and spending quality outing time with my family, my wife and my children. I deserve the opportunity to recognize them publicly for their achievements, and to be recognized myself publicly for all my achievements in life!


You are not really you. You are only your thinking that you are you, for while you exist. – body-mind self-evidence – Joseph Tsefanyahu Farkasdi

Incorrect thoughts, our perception and viewpoint about life experiencing, forms the emotional feelings we have. Which, in turn, forms the repeated thoughts in our mind, the honest scripts of what we actually believe. Thought scripts that we are often unaware of even thinking, they happen so fast and appear so resolute. Thought scripts that influence on a physical-mental energetic level who and what we are. We do not influence the reality directly through our conscious awareness, for we are the created result of reality. Rather, we influence our perception of this reality and, in doing so, reality responds in proportion to the strength of our emotions about it and life’s events. A child does not need a belief system or a belief specific to see a bonafide miracle occur. This has been documented time and time again historically. A child only needs to feel emotionally that this is now the case, thus behaving and perceiving with burning desire for it inside.

As adults, we miss this, because we are thinking too much. Too many words and too many philosophical systems of belief, rather than acceptance of that which is, with added deep emotional desire for, as a child has. Miracles do happen! The scientific laws of probability demonstrate this is self-evidently true. But, it will unfold how it so unfolds, regardless one’s conceptualized belief, and it will unfold according to the strength of one’s emotions about it – whatever it is. Only self-evidence exists, despite our ways of conceptualizing it. Our emotions about determine the degree to which these scripts run repeatedly in the depths of our minds, that affect and impact our reality through what we are doing about it – or, not doing, because of them! Talk to your challenges, emotionally and honestly, and see what happens.

When establishing a belief fails to invoke change, it is time to abandon words and feel what is happening inside. Changing or creating the emotion of desired result is all that is actually needed. The rest, the words of ‘belief’, is the dressing to present the self-evident that compels the emotion – if the emotion is present to focus in on. We are the thoughts we think we are separate of, the thoughts of the body-mind existing in this moment we experience as our reality. – joseph t farkasdi

A Case For Non-Sexual Clothes-Free Living
I joseph t farkasdiamjoseph t farkasdi now actively engaging myself in appropriate moments at home in nude woodworking and garden projects, as part of my healing, re-sensitization and re-connection with the real world. I intend and desire to extend enjoying this nude project lifestyle into the homes of friends who wish me to ‘just be’ this natural way amongst them. I’ve discovered just how morally right and approved of this behavior of being naked, just naked, non-sexually physically nude is, free of all clothing, within my ethnic-religious cultural upbringing. I have learned how healthy it is for our heartfelt emotions and for our body-mind, the blessing it provides to developing and maintaining/sustaining a healthy self-image that is free of shame, when openly naked among others. The only difference to who you are when living life, doing the normal things you do, without the clothes on is simply that you don’t have clothes on in these moments – and it feels great! We’vejoseph t farkasdi beenjoseph t farkasdi lied to and mis-cultured by the dominant religion, minor religions, and the big money driven industries into an attitude of shame about our bodies, a condition that leads to narcissism and depression, mental distortions of who and what we really are, through a shame driven constant attraction to apparel and fear of our physical naturalness. The truth is that we don’t need clothes, beyond that of the occassional keep warm or safe variety worn momentaritly. The rest of the time, we choose to wear clothes for reasons of shame that we justify with a creative plethora of seemingly logical personal and social reasons, covers for our real reason of living life dominated by a mental disorder of unjustified irrational shame and guilt. – Joseph Tsefanyahu Farkasdi