How Well Do We Really Understand Ourselves?

In the light of all these reports of sexual misconduct allegations by men, what is really going on here? Why is misconduct by men so prevalent?

“Masturbation [on its own] is simply us recognizing that touch feels good, no different than eating when we’re hungry,” Quandra Chaffers, LCSW, added. “Our society is still very puritanical and afraid of pleasure. I don’t want to go down the route of demonizing masturbation.” … BUT, … the urge to masturbate while forcing unwilling people to watch stems not only from the desire for power and control but also from feelings of anger, weakness, humiliation and shame. 

“There is no clinical term, it’s just shame,” Psychoanalyst Dayle M. Kramer said. “Not a particular kind of shame, people may feel it in different ways. We don’t know whether this person was bullied or shamed themselves in their childhood, we don’t know what caused them to want to shame others and shame themselves.”

When asked whether or not exhibitionist disorder ― or someone acting on an urge to display, fondle or stimulate themselves in front of a stranger ― was a possible motivating factor, Kramer responded with caution.

“You have to look at what exhibitionist disorder really means,” she said. “Why are they exhibiting themselves? What is the gain? And what is it that they’re trying to do? You still have to really talk to the person to find out, you just can’t label people.”

Sex therapist Alexandra Katehakis, who was interviewed by The Cut, described non-consensual masturbation as a manifestation of “sexualized hostility” against their victims, which can sometimes be traced back to childhood trauma or abuse. Kramer seconded this possibility. 

“Developmentally, we all go through different phases,” she said. “[Masturbation] would be [linked to] a phase in this person’s development they weren’t able to complete or finish. We see different pieces of ourselves stuck in different phases, and our behavior reflects that.

Chaffers, however, took issue with the idea that victims of childhood sexual abuse, in particular, are more likely to become perpetrators of sexual abuse as adults.

Why Men Masturbate In Front Of Women Without Their Consent
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/masturbation-sexual-assault_us_5a04dcc4e4b05673aa584c89
A therapist and psychoanalyst discuss the disturbing pattern in light of the allegations raised against Louis C.K.

#MAGA through understanding, empathy, education, and cultural change. If the Deist ‘God’ does exist, as postulated by our nation’s Founders, then how do we create a society where all citizens – regardless of ethnicity, gender, or orientation – are found to be #inhisimage #inhislikeness and worthy of elevating, not denigrating?
Only when #alllivesmatter and all humans are deserving of equal rights and treatment under the law, only then will the United States be a nation worthy of emulation by the rest of the world.

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Joseph T Farkasdi

I am a writer, a husband, a father, a working servant, a complex individual who very few will probably understand! I am actively involved in raising the awareness of social injustice in this world caused by religious idealism and intolerance and the rise of an economic destroying corporatocracy. Take a moment to explore and learn more about me. Thanks!

4 thoughts on “How Well Do We Really Understand Ourselves?”

  1. Proud Resister said the following on Twitter: “The solution is simple… Roy Moore – Step down from the race. Al Franken – Resign from congress. Donald Trump – Resign from the presidency. GOP – Stop making sexual assault a partisan issue. It’s a crime as is your hypocrisy.”

    Let’s make this even simpler: “On behalf of the entire male population of this planet, we apologize for being the dicks that we inherently are. Everyone of us apologizes!” Now, for some new rules to social living: Men, treat women as if they are your dearest brother. And treat your fellow men as if they are your lover. Show interest in a woman only when she gives direct consent for you to do so. And, if you’re interested in men, then you still need to do the same. This is the only way to social peace, and avoiding preventable drama.

    To #MAGA, we must each acknowledge that we are human beings, all proned to revealing pre-conditioned social flaws. The earlier we begin to raise male children in the concept of “hands and minds off, until consent is given”, the better disciplined and more thoughtful our future adults will be.
    Only when #alllivesmatter and all humans are deserving of equal rights and treatment under the law, only then will the United States be a nation worthy of emulation by the rest of the world.
    If the Deist ‘God’ does exist, as postulated by our nation’s Founders, then how do we create a society where all citizens – regardless of ethnicity, gender, or orientation – are found to be #inhisimage #inhislikeness and worthy of elevating, not denigrating?

  2. “Since the start of Donald Trump’s presidential run, one question has quietly but urgently permeated the observations of concerned citizens: What is wrong with him? Constrained by the American Psychiatric Association’s “Goldwater rule,” which inhibits mental health professionals from diagnosing public figures they have not personally examined, many of those qualified to answer this question have shied away from discussing the issue at all. The public has thus been left to wonder whether he is mad, bad, or both.

    In THE DANGEROUS CASE OF DONALD TRUMP, twenty-seven psychiatrists, psychologists, and other mental health experts argue that, in Mr. Trump’s case, their moral and civic “duty to warn” America supersedes professional neutrality. They then explore Trump’s symptoms and potentially relevant diagnoses to find a complex, if also dangerously mad, man.

    Philip Zimbardo and Rosemary Sword, for instance, explain Trump’s impulsivity in terms of “unbridled and extreme present hedonism.” Craig Malkin writes on pathological narcissism and politics as a lethal mix. Gail Sheehy, on a lack of trust that exceeds paranoia. Lance Dodes, on sociopathy. Robert Jay Lifton, on the “malignant normality” that can set in everyday life if psychiatrists do not speak up.

    His madness is catching, too. From the trauma people have experienced under the Trump administration to the cult-like characteristics of his followers, he has created unprecedented mental health consequences across our nation and beyond.

    It’s not all in our heads. It’s in his.

    “There will not be a book published this fall more urgent, important, or controversial than The Dangerous Case of Donald Trump…profound, illuminating and discomforting” ― Bill Moyers”

    The Dangerous Case of Donald Trump: 27 Psychiatrists and Mental Health Experts Assess a President Hardcover – October 3, 2017
    by Bandy X. Lee (Author),‎ Robert Jay Lifton (Contributor),‎ Gail Sheehy (Contributor),‎ & 27 more
    https://www.amazon.com/Dangerous-Case-Donald-Trump-Psychiatrists/dp/1250179459/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1511071815&sr=8-1&keywords=dangerous+case+of+donald+trump
    The New York Times bestseller! More than two dozen psychiatrists and psychologists offer their consensus view that Trump’s mental state presents a clear and present danger to our nation and individual well-being.

    #MAGA by taking an activist professional witness stand! #Resist
    If the Deist ‘God’ does exist, as postulated by our nation’s Founders, then how do we create a society where all citizens – regardless of ethnicity, gender, or orientation – are found to be #inhisimage #inhislikeness and worthy of elevating, not denigrating?
    Only when #alllivesmatter and all humans are deserving of equal rights and treatment under the law, only then will the United States be a nation worthy of emulation by the rest of the world.

  3. Well, we only have one soul, called a self-aware personality, that is created around the age of two by the brain of the collective cellular body that makes us a living being, and this “soul” disappears as the brain experiences entropy and the cellular collective dies. This is just the universal facts of life. … Now, in the fictional reality of human consciousness and culture, the soul takes on new meaning. In the way that two atomic particles can be demonstrated as being entangled, regardless where they are in time and space relative to each other, so it is with soul mates.

    Soul mates are exact matches, and they challenge each others existence, reason, purpose, and compassion in the most honest of ways. Soul mates are not necessarily sexual lovers, nor are they meant to be. In fact, it can be quite volatile to marry your soul mate. Love of the eros kind and marriage are two separate activities unto themselves. Independent of each other by nature, and serving different human social purposes. Then, there is a special category, that of soul mates, who are a uniquely entangled kind of reflective love – that shows us the truth about ourselves!

    Humans are by nature social creatures, and there is no one and only one right person meant for each individual. That is simply human fiction. So, don’t get confused. This article is about a soul mate. An individual that shows you to yourself for who you really are – as uncomfortable as this is, forcing you to have to grow as an individual. Just because you’ve discovered someone to be your soul mate does not imply that you are his/her soul mate in return. That is naïve thinking. But, I’m sure, given the right circumstances and timing, there is a soul mate for him/her to be uncomfortably entangled with, while also entangled with you.

    The Invisible Karmic Thread of Two People Who Are Meant to Be Together
    http://ewao.com/2017/10/01/the-invisible-karmic-thread-of-two-people-who-are-meant-to-be-together/
    “People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.” – Elizabeth Gilbert

    Seeing where the article was coming from, I am quite surprised that they got it right by the end. Soul mates are human beings who show you who you really are, whether you want to experience this or not. #soulmate #eros #marriage are not meant to be mistaken as being one and the same, just as the three natural forms of marriage, #monogamy #polygyny #polyandry, are not the same. The universe inherently demands variety, and this is especially so in the many relationships within individual lives.

    You say that you want to #maga and that #alllivesmatter? Well, if this is truly your heartfelt belief, then act to ensure that all humans – regardless of skin color, religion, nationality, and orientation – are being treated with the same dignity and sanctity under the law. Only then will the United States be a nation worthy of emulation by the rest of the world.
    If the Deist ‘God’ does exist, as postulated by our nation’s Founders, then how do we create a society where all citizens – regardless of ethnicity, gender, or orientation – are found to be #inhisimage #inhislikeness and worthy of elevating, not denigrating?

  4. This is what so many of us “biracial” folk face – assumptions based solely on outside appearance/characteristics. It takes an observant mind to notice the details that make us the individual we are. Racism, like fundamentalism, is a mental illness. A mental illness that seeks to divide us human Sapiens into different species of humans, all to favor some at the denigrated/demonized expense of others. We are the only primate species on the planet that goes to such extremes, all over fictive ideals that we create and choose to believe in.

    From my experience of white passing, dealing with a racist society on a daily basis is sometimes easier by just keeping your mouth shut and allowing others to assume. That is, until, injustice and abuse occurs – and I, personally, just can’t keep my mouth shut any longer. America, the land of immigrants, needs to wake up and embrace its hateful social fictions. So long as there is a ghetto allowed to be, there is racism in the United States!

    Genetics demonstrates that we are all people of color. White and black labels and other labels like this are culturally manifested. We are all the same human primate species, homo Sapiens, in all our incredible diversity! When we understand this, we will begin to #MAGA by ending racism and social injustice in the United States of America.

    People Guess Which Strangers Identify As White
    https://www.facebook.com/WatchCut/videos/881811255315096/?hc_ref=ARRD2xiExpTi6GNJ-YCEJySyGvLZ8_2UmfvGmItxTz73Qn6NVNwYdkzjYm-fl5AKAck
    Do people feel privileged when they are white passing? Check out the post interview to People Guess Who is White In a Group of People.

    If the Deist ‘God’ does exist, as postulated by our United States Founders, then how do we create a society where all citizens – regardless of ethnicity, gender, or orientation – are found to be #inhisimage #inhislikeness and worthy of elevating, not denigrating?
    Only when #alllivesmatter and all humans are deserving of equal rights and treatment under the law, only then will the United States be a nation worthy of emulation by the rest of the world.

    It’s funny (Isabelle, 4.17 minutes in), how when I settled down in Texas, the United States, and got my first Texas license, I checked “Other” for ethnicity on the form. And, then, spelled out exactly what I predominantly am – an ethnic Magyar (a Mongol), Irish, Jew (of Eastern-European descent) – but, because I look so “white” (red hair, reddish white skin) the DMV personnel changed my ethnicity to “White” before issuing my license. And, they had the nerve to do this in my presence, and ignored my verbal protest. But, it is Texas, after all, and in Texas you are either “White”, “Black”, or “Mexican” – period. It’s not about culture and cultural upbringing, it’s about skin color. Hmmm, I would have brought up my Melanesian ancestor, too, if I had only known about her at that time. Wouldn’t have made a difference, though, humans are bought and sold into our fictions about ourselves – that have real world consequences for us and others.

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